Black Hills Picture Books

Probably my favorite date ever came shortly after our second child’s birth.  Mom had come from two states away to help, and she encouraged us to take a date while she was there.

I dressed up in my ($9 K-mart clearance sale) burgundy velveteen sheath dress, real nylons (a rare thing for me, at least post-1992 LOL), and the highest black heels I’ve ever owned.  Steve looked handsome and regal in his black suit.  We left behind the diapers, dishes, and fatigue to be a “fancy couple going to a fancy concert” for a night.

We headed to one of the most beautiful cathedrals in Indianapolis.  We sat in the worn, polished pews and waited.

Then came swirling around us the most heavenly vocal tones of a Renaissance masterpiece.  The twelve voices of Chanticleer sang as one, blossoming around each other in the most breathtaking melodious phrases soaring into the height of the cathedral’s peaked ceiling.  Most concert halls echo with the coughs and clearing throats of the audience; this audience was dead silent, all of us hardly daring to breathe.

Two hours of this sweetness later, we headed home, filled with the joy of God’s gift of music.

I will likely never have an experience like this again.  Even though I am recovering in safe housing, attending a concert with the typical perfumes would tear me down again so much that it probably wouldn’t be worth it.

But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  what did I do to deserve such an experience?  Why should I be entitled to that Chanticleer concert?  Why should I get to enjoy that while others suffer in poverty, persecution, or war zones their entire lives—from birth to death?   I am thankful for that experience, and though I grieve what I miss, I also see what an undeserved blessing it was in the first place. 

Christa Upton   Black Hills Picture Books   Edgemont, SD  57735

I am one of those people to whom words mean things, I see things more black and white, and I tend to think people actually say what they mean.

But I am learning that they don’t always say what they mean, and sometimes we have to listen to the heart instead of the words.

I’ve known this instinctively about children for a long time.  Despite my tendencies, somehow God has given me a gift to understand children sometimes, especially those I know well. Sometimes I guess wrong, but that’s what conversation is for—finding out how the person really feels.

But sometimes words can get in the way.

When a child or friend says something we misinterpret—even if we misinterpret because we simply take their meaning by what the words actually mean—sometimes we can get all busy reacting to the words and miss hearing what they are actually meaning and trying to say.

So, here are some tips from my own experience, for deep conversations or for understanding your child:

1. Slow down and think about what they are saying.
2. Take into account their life history. It sounds like I’m joking, but I’m not. Many circumstances and events affect how we communicate.  For instance, our daughter has been stuck in a wheelchair since birth.  She is overcoming much of the difficulties of that both physically and emotionally, but of course sometimes she still feels trapped.  Who wouldn’t?  So sometimes when something seemingly “odd” comes out of her mouth, what she is really saying is, “I feel trapped.”
3. Ask questions. Instead of replying right away, one might ask, “Did you mean…?”  A good friend taught me this one years ago.  It helps avoid misunderstandings to put in your own words what you think someone means and ask them if you are correct and if not, to clarify.
4. Look at their face but try not to jump to conclusions either. I used to look at one of my children’s faces after they got into trouble and see anger.  However, what I didn’t know (at first) was that the anger was usually directed at themselves for messing up, NOT at me for correcting.  That means they were repentant and needed consolation, not more lecturing.
5. Try to hear the emotion behind the words.

Think of it like a puzzle, like some TV personalities figure stuff out about people.  🙂 

With children, they have not learned to express feelings yet.  Deeply listening can make a huge difference in your relationship with your child or teenager.

The main point is to understand and respond to people kindly and think of their feelings. 

But with adults, it may also help you navigate the negative things behind words—such as manipulation, narcissism, and verbal abuse. Just as something that “sounds” bad can really be good or just a way of expressing feelings, something that “sounds” good can really be bad.

As they say, “Conversation is a fine art.”  May we approach conversation with thoughtfulness and love.

Christa Upton    Black Hills Picture Books    Edgemont, SD  57735

• light
• love
• friends and family
• animals
• joy
• this house
• warmth
• indoor plumbing
• food
• God’s provision
• fresh air
• sunshine
• chocolate
• mountains
• youth group for kids
• homemade bread
• milk
• hot soup
• quilts
• encouragement
• online Bible studies
• sermon podcasts
• music
• colors
• computers
• clothes
• church
• house with no mold
• rainbows
• imagination
• good movies
• marriage
• online support groups
• football (okay I’m not really thankful for that, LOL but my husband is, and I like him to enjoy it)
• good books
• laughter
• good jokes
• heaven
• Jesus dying for my sins
• will see Dad in heaven again one day

Christa Upton    Black Hills Picture Books    Edgemont, SD  57735

Cleaning—ugh, it never ends, right?  But think of all the calories you burn—cleaning day is a great excuse for chocolate cake after!  Besides rewarding yourself with cake, here are some ideas that might help.

1. Start from the top down. Dust the highest things first.  Clean higher items and work your way toward the floor.  That way any dust or whatever that falls can be swept up.
2. Once a month or two (or three), de-clutter. The less clutter, the easier it is to clean quickly.
3. If you want to clean “green,” use only baking soda, vinegar, lemon juice, and essential oils. I have extremely severe toxic injury, so I don’t have a choice—I have to stick to these.  But if you try also, you will help save the environment from harsher chemicals.  And they are so safe you can literally eat them!  Except some of the essential oils.  Plus, you will burn more calories scrubbing harder.  (How about ice cream with that chocolate cake later?!)
4. Spray cleaners on the surface (such as a sink) and let it sit a bit before scrubbing. This helps loosen the grime.  If the vinegar does not keep the surface as wet as you need, use paper towels and soak them.  You can “line” the tub with vinegar-soaked paper towels or the toilet with vinegar-soaked toilet paper pieces.  You may even want to do this several times if using vinegar and baking soda.  Spray vinegar, wait (go on to cleaning other things or even an adjoining room or de-cluttering), possibly add baking soda, wipe/scrub, spray, wait, sprinkle, wipe, rinse. Vinegar is a nice cleaner, but baking soda will add a bit of abrasiveness for scrubbing.
5. If you have children, let them help. Turn it into a game, like Mr. Miyagi from the movie The Karate Kid.  (“Wax on, wax off.”)  If you are younger than I, you may be saying, “Who?” “What movie?”  LOL  You could watch the movie with your kids after chores some week! 
6. Turn on music. If you have kids who are helping, let them choose the music, and the louder the better.
7. While doing dishes, listen to an audio book.  Get your entertainment and work done at the same time! If you have children at home, you can still do this sometimes by waiting until after they are in bed to do dishes. I found it kinda peaceful to do dishes in the quiet nighttime while listening to audio books.  Or, you could choose a book everyone likes.
8. Remember you don’t have to do it all in one day and it doesn’t have to be perfect. 

Happy cleaning! 

What are your favorite cleaning tips?